Super Friends Season 2, Episode 6, Storyline D – “Flood of Diamonds”
Original Airdate – October 1977
Short Synopsis: Flood of diamonds? That sounds like a problem we’d all like to have, am I right? Am I right?
Anyway, “[something something], South Africa, home of the world’s richest diamond mines…” – Narrator
We see miners mining:
There’s a cave in, and then for some reason, the cave starts to flood.
Meanwhile, at Justice League Headquarters
“Green Lantern and I will take care of it!” Aquaman volunteers Green Lantern, forcing Green Lantern to have to hang out with Aquaman.
Aquaman and Green Lantern to the rescue.
When they get there, they find they have to swim underwater to the miners. Green Lantern’s ring forms an air bubble for him to swim around in.
Then, they strut and strategize, or “strutagize” as I like to call it because I’m all about efficiency.
They become worried because they think Aquaman and Green Lantern will save them all before they hide the diamonds. First of all, why would they think Aquaman and Green Lantern would save them quickly? That’s not how the Super Friends roll. And secondly, how long does it take to shove some diamonds up your butt?
So, they decide to make themselves harder to rescue by letting loose some kind of giant drill. Then, when it does what it’s supposed to – knocks a support beam down and makes it harder to rescue them – suddenly they’re all upset about it. I feel a lesson coming on!
The Stupedist Plan Ever
Aquaman and Green Lantern think this new snag means there won’t be time to save them. This is the first thing that comes to Aquaman’s mind and they go with it. This is an actual quote:
Green Lantern replies, “Let’s give it a try!” So, Green Lantern is as dumb as the rest of them. Good to know.
“Later, off the coast of South Africa.” – Narrator
Oh yeah, I can definitely see how this is the quickest and best way to save everyone.
Step 1: Summon whale with your aquatic telepathic powers.
Step 2: Create whale transport vehicle out of your magic green lantern ring
Step 3: Fly giant whale to flooded cave.
Step 4: “guide the whale through the mine.”
Step 5: Have the whale ram through the cave-in.
Step 6: Risk killing the whale because of the shallow waters caused by breaking through the cave-in.
THEY DIDN’T SHOW THE WHALE BEING RETURNED TO THE OCEAN. I can only assume there’s now a giant whale carcass stuck in a mine in South Africa now. What a depressing ending.
Ok, I’m not sure where to even start with this. Usually, the Health segment is all of 30 seconds long and is like: “Bananas, yo, eat ‘em.” But this week’s Health is the most bizarre thing I think I’ve ever seen on Super Friends and you know that’s saying a lot.
Superman is flying over the forest and sees this:
Just your standard young child being chased by a bear. This of course had no affect on me as the children of the Super Friends universe are rarely not being menaced by wild animals.
The kid, casually glancing behind him, sees the bear catching up and says, “Uh oh! I better get movin’!” As if he’s late for soccer practice. Again, not too terribly strange considering the source.
This is where the mushrooms must have really kicked in during the writer’s meeting. Superman swoops down and rescues the boy.
And, just because it’s too good not to share all of it, here’s the dialog:
Boy: Gee, thanks, Superman! I can usually run a lot faster than that!
Superman: Here’s the reason you’re not at your best this morning – you skipped breakfast!
Boy: Gee, how’d ya know!?
Superman: When you skip meals, you don’t give your body fuel to run on.
Boy: I didn’t know that. From now on there won’t be any fuel shortage for my body.
That’s it. THAT’S IT. Boys and girls, the only reason you wouldn’t be able to OUTRUN A FUCKING BEAR is because you didn’t eat your breakfast.
And I thought setting kids up for stitches was bad.
P.S. I’m posting Super Friends outtakes on the Cannibalistic Nerd Facebook page. So, if you need a mid-week Super Friends pick-me-up, that’s the place to get it.
If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.