Disney sent me a survey about my experience during a trip I will take in June of 2015. I’m not clairvoyant like Disney apparently is, so I did my best to give them the feedback they wanted.
1. Your overall experience and value: It was glurptastic (projected 2015 lingo for “fun”)!
2. Your experience with the rides, shows, attractions, and entertainment: The Carousel of Progress is terribly out of date. There’s not a single mention of the Robotic Revolution in May 2013.
3. Your experience with the characters: Overall, I would say it was nice. However, Mickey Mouse got stuck in “hug mode” and it took them 3 hours to pry me loose.
4. Your experience with the food offered: For the fine dining, the roast futurebeast was delicious. For your quick service establishments, there was much to be desired. I mean, seriously, how long does it take to get a food pill out of the bottle? Quick, my ass.
5. Your experience shopping: The eye scanner nearly blinded me. I’ll just leave it at that.
6. The cast members/employees: All were well-oiled machines and/or properly brainwashed. Kudos.
7. Any special or magical experiences you had: I’d never seen a hover scooter before until now – truly magical. Makes me wish I was fatter.
8. Any challenges or difficulties you encountered: Mission to Actual Mars was great on the way, but once you get there, there’s nothing to do. Bor.ing.
9. Some details about yourself: I live in North Carolina with a vacation home on the moon. I can afford it because I won the lottery. I was also voted Overload of all Dominion – I didn’t even run, it was all write-in votes!
I was expecting a personal call of thanks from an unfrozen Walt Disney from the future, but all I got was an e-mail apologizing for the “error.” Yeah, whatever, Diz, you know I helped. You know it.