Patient zero just told herself waiting one more day to change the litter box won’t make a difference.

I’m about 3/4 through reading World War Z. I’m loving this book and I can’t wait to see how it’s adapted for the screen. It’s making me contemplate what kind of person or circumstance may cause the patient zero zombie when the zombie outbreak inevitably happens in real life. Theories:

  • Booger eater
  • Cleaning the Gutters – strange things amass in those gutters between cleanings
  • Kristen Stewart, she’s a heartbeat (or lack of) away from becoming a zombie
  • Silica gel pack ingestion
  • Any person on My Strange Addiction – you can’t eat ashes and pillow cushions and not be one bite away from a walker
  • Someone finally waits too long to change a litter box
  • Skinny jeans and jeggings constrict blood flow to the brain, killing all but the wanting-to-devour-live-humans part
  • There’s got to be a worse consequence for running with scissors than just a simple impalement
  • Strobe lights
  • Somebody’s gonna make a wish and it’s going to be misinterpreted by the genie. Something like, “I want to live forever because I love food and never want to stop eating it.”
  • Grapples, I don’t trust them
  • One time, at a flea market, there was a bunch of boxes filled with toys. I was sifting through it, and I found a rusty saw. I think if I had hit the rusty saw end first, and not the handle, I may have been patient zero
  • Mega jet lag
  • We run out of things to fry, and people are the only thing left to try
  • Coconut candy, obviously

What else? I know I’ve missed some.

26 thoughts on “Patient zero just told herself waiting one more day to change the litter box won’t make a difference.

  1. Chinese food, eaten one day too late.
    Paper cut from a free, independent newspaper picked up at that weird head shop with the velvet Jimi Hendrix painting in the window.

    And that is an awesome book, by the way. I have no idea how it will translate into film, however.

    • Me, neither! If Brad Pitt is going to “star” in it, would he be the interviewer? That guy doesn’t actually do anything. Ohhh, wait, here’s the IMDB summary of the movie: “A U.N. employee is racing against time and fate, as he travels the world trying to stop the outbreak of a deadly Zombie pandemic. ” I would think it would have worked better as a large ensemble cast.

      There’s so much good stuff in that book, it will be a real challenge to completely ruin it, and would be a shame if they did.

  2. Yay! World War Z is in my top 10 list. I thought it was an amazing book. At first I felt there was no way they could do it justice in a movie, but I have high hopes for Plan B Entertainment!!

    Oh, agreed. Jeggings are bad.

  3. Totally on Kristen Stewart. She is already a zombie, but just a really lazy and lethargic one. She just doesn’t have the energy to eat brains yet. Keep an eye on that one.

    What the hell is a grapple?

  4. “Skinny jeans and jeggings constrict blood flow to the brain, killing all but the wanting-to-devour-live-humans part”

    So basically teenagers and hipsters will be the first zombies. Some of them are already act pretty zombie-ish, so I guess it shouldn’t be a complete surprise! LOL

  5. Too many hours spent watching “Dance Moms” on TLC

    That guy in the unitard who makes O-faces as he does yoga in the corner of the weight room at the gym.

    Courtney Stodden.

  6. I’m totally with you on the skinny jeans. And the Grapples…those things scare me. Why would someone do that to those fruits? It’s like they were playing God, and I’m sure we’re going to suffer the consequences.

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