How to not do a magic trick: a complete guide.

On Saturday, I posted my weekly Super Friends post. You can see it here. In it, I spell out a magic trick that Wonder Woman did on the show. As soon as I saw it, I thought, “there’s no way a kid is going to be able to do this and I also see stitches in their future.” I was really curious about this trick because these are the types of things I latch on to rather than things like making the world a better place.

I figured it would be entertaining enough to try it out myself. And, to truly illustrate what I thought would be a magic disaster, I decided to tape it. Guess what!? It’s completely out of focus. I would make some terrible magic pun like “hocus focus” but I don’t know what to do with it. I made an out-of-focus video and that’s all there is to say. I tested it first, and the test was in-focus. I would have re-filmed it, but, as you’ll see, I set myself up so that I couldn’t re-film it.

I like to think of it as carrying on the crappy production values of the Super Friends. If you can stand to watch an out of focus magic-less trick, here it is:

Surprisingly, the glass didn’t actually break. I wondered if I could even get it to balance empty. So I tried and and it worked:

For three whole seconds. Right after I took the picture, this happened:

You see that, Wonder Woman? How many cuts, scratches, missing eyes and fingers are on your bullet-proof tiara-d head?

Lesson? It is a lot easier to make things work if you’re drawing it than if you’re actually doing it.

40 thoughts on “How to not do a magic trick: a complete guide.

  1. “Wonder Woman is a dirty, lying bitch.”

    I laughed so hard I scared the cat.

    I think we know why Wonder Woman had an invisible jet now. So she could escape sight-unseen when people got pissed at her for breaking all of their ordinary drinking glasses.

  2. Yes, my favorite line also: “Wonder Woman is a dirty, lying bitch.”

    I want everyone in the world to watch this video. You are required to do this each week now. A “vlog” for every goddamn Super Friends magic trick.

    Also, I love you and want to marry you.

  3. Consider your magic trick a success, as you actually had me laughing while I was at work and not plotting my revenge with a stapler-turned-weapon.

    Plus, the only way I would ever post a video of myself is if it WAS completely out of focus, so I get it.

  4. Holy adorable accent Batman!! (See what I did there?) 😉

    Yeah, I pretty much could have told you that Wonder Woman’s whole shtick is all smoke and mirrors. I can’t believe you just bought that the trick would work. I mean, seriously, magic lasso? You really think if someone had a pocket knife, that thing would last 2 seconds? And those bullet proof wrist things? Yeah, sure WW. I had a halloween costume one year of Wonder Woman, and let me tell you, those wristlets wouldn’t stop a foam bullet!

    Stupid lying bitch.

  5. ha! you and The bobina have similar accents. Here’s is even more southern. awesome to see the C-Nerd on video. Now Amy-kidfreeliving has to be on the youtube. I’ve seen Abby, now you. she’s next.

    Wonder Woman is a dirty, lying bitch. I was “this close’ to teaching my girls that ?magic trick. yet, another time for DFACS to visit the house.

    hilarious

  6. I think it’s unfair to blame Wonder Woman when (if you look at the fine print), that coupon clearly states that there is no magic attached to it.
    (Yes, I still have a crush on Wonder Woman 35 some odd years later, and will therefore defend her onesie clad honor).

  7. So you ruined a Busch Gardens coupon, broke a glass and made a kick-ass movie to illustrate the awful magic trick the super friends propose. All in a day’s work I guess, but I have to say, you’re making real sacrifices for your fans, especially if you didn’t use any protective wear when conducting or picking up the aftermath. Much appreciated. Oh, and totally agree – she’s a dirty lying bitch.

  8. OMG I love you so hard right now. Tell me you’ll join club.magicians.com with me.

    With your Card/Coupon illusion and my “Got Your Nose Hair” trick, we could be the next Penn &Teller.

  9. That lesson applies to so many aspects of my life. I’m going to try drawing some parenting, and see if that works out better than actually doing it.

    I couldn’t believe my opinion of WW could get any lower after the razor-sharp eye holes on her Official Halloween Costume’s plastic mask dug into my tear ducts for an entire evening of trick-or-treating circa 1985. I had no idea she had other ways she was trying to injure children, too. Shame on you, WW.

  10. HA! I love you.

    Listen. Wonder Women didn’t say to cut a card in half. . . at least not if your blog post is to be believed. She SAID “tape have a playing card to the back of another.” I don’t know why I put that in quotes. I didn’t listen to the fucking show. And I also didn’t just go back and C&P it.

    So I interpret that to mean you take a card, fold it, and put half of it against the back of the card in front and half untaped. . . so it folds away. It’d be stronger then.

    REGARDLESS. . . that glass was not a little 8 oz juice glass like Wonder Woman assumed you’d use. It was a damn GIANT 16 oz. grown up glass.

    I kept blinking trying to refocus you. I’ve been wearing contacts since 8th grade (I change pairs more frequently than that, I just mean I’m a contact wearer for a lot of my life) and usually when shit is out of focus it’s because I haven’t cleaned my lenses for a month or two.

    • She said, and I quote: “the back of the card has half of another card taped to it.” You heard the thing you made up you heard wrong.

      And an ordinary drinking glass is NOT a juice glass. A juice glass is a juice glass and she didn’t say juice glass. Juice glass.

      • okay. . . interpretation:
        “the back of the card has half of another card taped to it.” You heard the thing you made up you heard wrong.

        The OTHER half of the card is not missing from the card. It’s just not taped to the card in front of it. . . so it can be folded back to support the glass.

        Regardless, Wonder Woman sucks at magic, and probably the reason the series ended was because of lawsuits from parents seeking damages for lacerated children cleaning up broken glass from her shitty instructions.

        • I’ll concede that it is a possibility that the intention was to fold a card in half. But, I still don’t think it wouldn’t work AND you will have still ruined a deck of cards because you can’t un-fold in half a card.

          I just looked up other people’s instructions for this trick and it does seem to be that you don’t cut the card in half. It doesn’t make much sense that you should cut a card in half, but that’s really what it seemed like she meant.

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