How Moving and Cat Poop are Related

We officially no longer live in our house. But, it’s still our house, which means we still have a mortgage. While our renters wait for their house to sell, and while they decide if they want to buy our house, we don’t have an official home. We’re staying with my mom while we wait for everything to straighten itself out. My mom is generous to have us and while I don’t mind being home-home, you still don’t want to be in your mid-thirties and living with your mom even though it makes the most sense and reduces the amount of times we have to move our stuff. I just don’t want to hate my stuff more than I already do.

I think one of the reasons cats have such a holier-than-thou attitude is because they've seen the way dogs react to their poop.

What does this have to do with cat poop? When you have cats AND dogs, you have to spend a surprising amount of time trying to figure out how to “protect” cat poop. If you have cats and dogs, you also probably know the term for cat poop that is used to describe a dog’s maddening love of it – Tootsie Rolls.

Every time you move with your dogs and cats you have to re-figure out how to keep those precious tootsie rolls from constant threat. I think it’s one of life’s strangest predicaments. For us, the solution usually involves a closet and a baby gate.

When we move, I forget about this predicament because we did a really good job of solving the problem in our previous abode, like when people let their guards down during times of peace. Of course, it’s only a matter of time (that amount of time is easily measurable – it is the exact amount of time it takes for the cat to take his first shit in the new house) before I’m reminded that a fortress must be built around the Kingdom of Litter.

Our dog Ed is a turd connoisseur. I think he was feral at some point, which probably started his terrible hunger for poo, as it may have been his available meals. If Pizza Hut sold a Turd Lover’s Pizza, he’d eat it every day. His favorite soup would be turdle soup. He’d be disappointed by a pu pu platter. We don’t let him pick what he has for dinner, is what I’m saying.

He has the well-earned nickname “Turd Burglar.” He’ll burgle turds at every opportunity. Turds tremble in fear when they sense he is near. Seriously, the dude loves turds. That’s why, when Tom wanted to practice on his new photo editing program, he chose to create this:

You may be a world-class turd burglar, Ed, but this time the local tootsie rolls will only have folklore legends to pass down from generation to generation. “Hair as orange as John Boehner’s skin and a collar as green as grass, and he’d just as soon eat you as look at you.”

Rest easy, sweet turds, you’re safe for now. Turds in the backyard, I’m afraid you’re on your own.

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64 thoughts on “How Moving and Cat Poop are Related

  1. That pictures is awesome, and yes, there are most certainly turd burglars among the canine species (let’s limit it to canines for the sake of this post.)

    Baby gates are also awesome, although I’ve been known to face plant after trying to quickly step over them before. Thankfully, not into cat poop, although that would have tied everything together nicely, no?

  2. Why are dogs so weird?! Our Boxer loves goose turds the best but rabbit and antelope poo will do in a pinch.

    In a strange way, I think it’s why I love dogs so much; they are incabable of shame or embarrassment and they always think they’re winning.

  3. Oh my god, my officemates think I am insane, because I just cannot stop laughing.

    I don’t have cats, never had, so I was unaware of this phenomenon. I do know of a dog’s love for all disgusting things, though.

    And I don’t think any one post has ever used the word “turd” more often. So . . . bravo?

    Great picture, Tom!

  4. We spent the first year bragging how smart our puppy was. Then watched him eat cat poop like it was a Snickers bar. We don’t brag so much anymore.

  5. My roommate’s dog did the same thing, but at first we didn’t realize what was going on. First, I was excited to never have to clean the litter box. Then I thought my cat might be sick. Then I caught the dog in the act. We used a baby gate, too.

    PS: You’re my favorite comment today.

  6. Bahaha! This post gave me quite a laugh. Having never owned both types of pets at the same time this concept is new to me. However, I shall remember this advice for the day when we adopt a dog!

  7. Not having a Tootsie Roll supply (my parents don’t have cats), their chihuahua blissfully snacks on the adorable poo pellets left by the considerate rabbits that live in the woods behind their house. He gobbles them like my toddler eats M&Ms and hunts them down. It took my parents awhile after getting him to realize that no, he’s not just looking for a perfect spot to pee, he’s looking for dessert.

    This is part of why we just have cats. That and while I hate cleaning litterboxes, I’m too lazy to get up and take a dog out. Maybe if I fence in my yard…

  8. Nasty. In the winter, our dogs like to root under the snow for turdsicles, much like pigs and truffles. When I catch them snacking I have to run from the yard before I vomit. So. Gross.

  9. We don’t have cats but our dog never misses an opportunity to drag a poopy diaper out of the trash can for a midnight snack. I especially love the nights when I step on his leftovers while I’m groggily making my way to the bathroom.

  10. AHAHAHA. Turd burglar. That’s the awesomest nickname ever! I don’t have cats so thankfully I have been able to avoid the burglaring of turds by my shitzu…well kinda. She does try and eat my baby’s diaper after hes taken a turd… but its like my alarm system that says he needs changing…

  11. We had cats until we found out some of our kids are allergic. Now we have a dog. A dog that is obsessed with dirty diapers. I saw someone else up there in the comments said the same thing. What in the world is appealing about a dirty diaper? Gah.

  12. I think there’s something wrong with your dog. I’ve never had a dog that ate turds. Thet sniffed butts (other’s), licked crotches (their own), but none were turd eaters.

  13. Years ago, I somehow convinced myself that I had the smartest cats in the world. They used one box for poo, and the other was for only pee. Then I had an aha moment and realized that I just had a dog acting as an automatic turd disposal. She could only get to the “pee” box.

  14. Carrie, I think you may have unlocked one of the secrets of the universe with this line:

    “I think one of the reasons cats have such a holier-than-thou attitude is because they’ve seen the way dogs react to their poop.”

    Hilarious post. By the way, we call our Yorkie’s poop Tootsie Rolls too and she acts a lot like a cat. I wonder how she would react to cat poop…

  15. This post is even more hilariously disgusting than the first time I read it. I’ve got a dog WHO EATS HIS OWN SHIT. Like when he craps on the carpet, and all you find is him munching nearby with a few molecules of crap left. Man’s best friend is gross.

  16. Carrie, is this the most commented-upon entry here? If so, I would not be surprised.

    My parents used to have a truly clueless dog who yes, repeatedly ate his own shit as well as his vomit (the latter is a universal dog thing just about, isn’t it?). He also did not take well with being house trained, so that sort of thing came in handy. “Hey Mom, Buck crapped in the floor again…oh wait, it’s gone.”

  17. Oh my gosh. I nearly died laughing! We have several turd burglars at our house and yes, that’s what we call them too. You have so eloquently put into words the struggle that we have had for years. Clumping cat litter can NOT be good for a canine digestive system.

  18. lord the shit you can find on the internet. who knew?? I’ve always only ever (that’s a lot of adverbs, sorry) had cats, never dogs, so I didn’t know about this particular menu item. so you’re saying if i want a dog to love me, i should feed him poop? hmm. this does not recommend the species to me, i have to say : )

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