WARNING: This post is about excrement. Or poo. Doody. The Brown Menace. Whatever you want to call it. And, I call it shit, so that word is smeared all over this post.
DISCLAIMER: This is based on MY experience. I’m sure people also shit all over Disney World bathroom floors, I just didn’t see it. I also decided to give teenagers the benefit of the doubt and assumed it was a grown-ass adult who did it.
Universal Studios has a whole “we’re not Disney” spin and vibe to their theme parks. It’s really the best way to go. Their Halloween parties are actually meant to be scary, they have more thrill-oriented roller coaster, etc. Disney focuses a lot on “experience.” So I always think of Disney as polished and Universal as a little rough around the edges, which isn’t a bad thing. Until I see shit on the floor.
And, I know, these are theme parks. People are drinking vats of soft drinks and eating more liquid cheese than they do on average. Public restrooms aren’t pretty, and theme park restrooms are expected to be a certain level of unpleasant. I have been lucky enough in my life to never have a job that involves cleaning bathrooms, so to everyone who ever has had a job like that, I would like to say: if there is any special place in heaven for any kind of person, I hope with all my heart that you are the people designated.
I’ve seen a lot, even in my not-having-to-clean-up-human-shit-innocence. I’ve seen the unholy trinity – pee, poop, and sanitary products – swirled together in a mélange of “there is no God” combinations and artistry that makes you wonder if life is worth continuing with. But this was something, what’s the opposite of “divine?”
It was a nice, big dollop of a turd, about one foot from a pristinely clean toilet. It wasn’t the usual “whoa, things really got out of hand” scene where there was an obvious attempt, at least at first, of getting it all in the toilet. No. This was there, just mocking the whole idea of toilets and all the rules placed around using the bathroom that keeps this delicate society together. It said “Yeah, there’s a toilet a foot away, and you know what? I’m doing juuust fine right here, buddy.” Here’s is my recreation of the vision:
I turned the corner of the stall, saw it, slowly backed away, and went to the furthest stall from it I could find. Then, I got to hear other people’s reactions to it because it was in an open-door stall, like a crowded public bathroom siren. The first one I heard was a lady with her kid. I heard “Oh, gosh, no. C’mon, this way. Ugh, people can be so…indiscrete.” I don’t know if this lady is the nicest human being on the planet and that’s truly the meanest thing she could come up with, if she was censoring in front of her kid, or if her brain got jumbled from the sight and that was the first thing that came up, but “indiscrete” isn’t how I would put it.
When I told my husband about it, he pondered how that person could afford to be in Universal Studios, which I have demonstrated with this diagram:
And, I’m also not completely delusional. I know what I saw isn’t even the worst of the infractions that occur when some people decide they need to go. I actually think this particular violation is probably only in the 75th percentile of indiscrete-ness: