Tag: Pop Culture

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 12, Storyline B – “Pressure Point”

Original Airdate – November 19, 1977

Safety Segment

Aquaman, if you’re going to help some kid clean and adjust his roller skates, GET OUT OF THE FREAKIN’ WATER to do it.

Maybe he’s standing on the backs of a couple of catfish, but still – just get out of the water.

Synopsis: “A hot sun burns over the desert at Barren Hills, where a young motorcyclist may make his last jump.” – Narrator

We are then introduced to a bunch of svelt, attractive teenagers:

And….Jerry:

Oh, that Jerry! He thinks he can make it up the same hill one of the other teens just conquered, but HE’S JERRY – of course he can’t! He tries anyway and everyone laughs at him.

I wonder if he was the inspiration for Parks and Recreation’s Jerry.

Anyway, their ridicule fuels Jerry to decide to try and jump Rattlesnake Ravine. What a doofus! One of the other teens alerts the Wonder Twins.

We are then treated to a stupid scene of Zan, Jayna, and Gleek ice skating. How do they afford all this recreation? Are they paid by the Justice League?

Back to Jerry the Jerk who thinks he can Jump.

“Don’t do it, Jerry!” cries one onlooking cool teen.

“You can kill yourself!” yells another in a more encouraging tone than I think was intended.

The Wonder Twins arrive just in time to find Jerry in mid-air plummeting to his death.

I know this will shock you, but I take issue with something in this episode.

Zan then throws himself down the ravine in water form, and then announces that he wants to become – “FORM OF, GELATIN DESSERT!”

Unless Jayna became a horse and then they ground her up to make gelatin, I’m calling bullshit. Ice bridge? Ice crowbar? Ice cage? Fine, whatever, they’re made of ice. GELATIN is not a form of water. BOOOOOO BOOOOO, Super Friends.

Also, NO:

Jello  Gelatin dessert wiggles a little bit, it does not completely absorb the shock of a plummeting inept teenage motorcyclist.

But that’s not all, Jerry! Your humiliation continues!

“That’s what I call a super scooper super scoop!” – Jayna, in the form of a giant pelican, who doesn’t understand the concept of shame.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 12, Storyline A – “Forbidden Power”

Original Airdate – November 19, 1977

Synopsis: “High atop a mountain stands the observatory of Professor Zarkoff (my spelling guess), who has just stumbled upon an amaaazing secret!” – Narrator

First of all, Professor Zakoff has what looks to be five albino leeches on his face:

Maybe they’re for some other experiment that isn’t relevant to this plot.

THIS plot is about a “projectile” Professor Z has been studying. It looks like a really uncomfortable sex toy to me:

I’ll let the PZ explain: “The projectile is from a giant space vehicle. The message on it asks for help! A computerized device known as ‘The Power’ once regulated the giant space vehicle’s entire environment and population. Something went wrong, and The Power turned it’s energies against it’s artificial world.”

If you say so.

Wait, there’s more! He tells his assistant to look through the “neutron telescope” and lo and behold, it’s that giant space vehicle he won’t shut up about! It looks like a cave drawing of the Death Star:

PZ blathers on about how a whole civilization and environment was once in there but now there’s nothing left. Assistant says they need to notify the scientific community and we all know what that means – overly confidant defiant power hungry professor!

“With my teleport device, I will journey into the space vehicle and find….THE POWER!” and then blah blah about how it can ultimately help Earth.

But hold up, he just casually throws it out there that he has a teleport device, like it’s as common as a keychain or bell bottoms. Maybe the albino leeches have something to do with his ability to teleport? Or thinking that he can?

Anyway, PZ makes his assistant come with him, they “go missing,” and the Super Friends are alerted.

“Holy Whereabouts, we better check it out!” – Robin (actual quote)

“According to the mini bat computer, this teleporter has been activated.” – Batman, at the professor’s lab trying to find out where he went.

Even Batman is unfazed by this teleporter, and he doesn’t even have a Bat Teleporter, which he would totally have if they were readily available.

Batman, Robin, and Wonder Woman mozy on up to the Shmeath Star, where there must not have been much oxygen because the animators couldn’t draw very good:

Then, something wonderful happens. While they’re investigating some mysterious footprints:

Aside from Robin getting pinched, it also looks like perhaps Batman got the vapors. But, you would too if this thing grabbed your boy wonder:

I don’t know what to call this thing but it really does look unpleasant.

The Lobrat lives in a cave and takes Robin there. Batman and Wonder Woman manage to pry him loose and chase away the misunderstood rat-lobster abomination with “Bat Animal Repellent Spray,” which apparently doesn’t exclusively work on bats. They find the Professor and his assistant there as well.

And that was enough to learn a lesson and they all went home.

Of course not, you sillies. PZ doesn’t want to leave yet. He found an “electronic map” that will lead him to The Power (do you think that’s what this song is about?). He then somehow causes a cave in so that the others are trapped and he can find The Power.

PZ presses a button on his electronic map and a recording explains that The Power is “evil,” and so unsafe, they buried it so that it could not harm the world with it’s wrath any longer.

And by “buried,” it looks like about as deep as a cat buries a turd.

Way to hide the evil thing that must never be unearthed, alien race.

It’s gettin’, it’s gettin’, it’s gettin’ kind of hectic.

Unearthing The Power brings these guys out of the wood, or stonework. They look like some common ancestor split off and evolved the Oompa Loompas down one line and then these guys down the other. Evolution is truly amazing.

They speak English, by the way. They say that because he uncovered The Power, he must pay.

A nice, traditional choice. Gets the point across but is also comforting, like a scalding hot bowl of soup.

As Robin, Batman, Wonder Woman, and the assistant look on quietly, Batman says he has a plan. Oh, boy. Yay. A Batman plan. Let me guess – everyone runs out there and they all randomly hope it works out.

Yeah, the big plan is that Batman runs out, cuts PZ loose, and then Wonder Woman lassos the green people. I just think if you’re going to proclaim you have a plan, it should be more impressive than that. Like, if they rode in on a trio of Lobrats – that would be a plan.

Finally, finally, The Professor has learned his lesson. Mutant awful lobster-rat monster takes you prisoner to eat later = no lesson learned. Mutant, reasonable bipedal beings dispensing justice via lava = leason learned. Good to know.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 11, Storyline D – “Attack of the Killer Bees”

Original Airdate – November 12, 1977

Craft Segment

Batman and Robin show us how to make a “two way phone.” After arriving home at Wayne Manor following an afternoon of crime fighting or something, Batman and Robin find an already-set-up craft station. Huh?

I think we’re all aware of the shitty two-cups-tied-together “phone” craft so I’ll spare the details.

 

Short Synopsis: “The vast plains of Africa, where wild animals and man live together in peaceful coexistence.” – Narrator

Unfortunately, a fence can’t keep out a swarm of killer bees. This swarm chases people from a distant crop into the village and into a hut.

 

Aquaman and Samurai are “near Africa.”

Yes, they are “near Africa.” And we wonder why so many people think Africa is a country.

Aquaman says that they have to hurry, and tells Samurai, “I’ll meet you in Africa.” COME ON.

Aquaman swims to Africa, and as we’ve previously learned, Samurai can turn into wind, so he winds there, or blows there, or breezes there, or whatever.

 

A plan’s just not a plan without a breach of personal space.

I had a very hard time paying attention to the plan Aquaman and Samurai came up with because this is how they were standing while they were planning:

Is he sitting in Aquaman’s lap? What is going on here? They were on a cliff overlooking “Africa,” watching the bees swarm around the hut, so that’s why they’re both facing the same way, but the closeness, the closeness…

Anyway, the plan is for Samurai to anger the bees in wind form, lead them to “the river,” where Aquaman will be waiting, and then he’ll lead the swarm into a net that’s tied between two trees overlooking a waterfall with sharp rocks at the bottom. Aquaman hoped aloud that when he dives over, that he makes it past the rocks and then I hoped that he wouldn’t.

The net, if this were real life (a real life where superheroes exist), would have led to the death of Aquaman if Aquaman is not impervious to bee stings:

Oh, wait, I stand corrected. Apparently killer bees are the size of small birds:

I’m learning so much about bees! Did you know they also “chew” through huts to get at villagers? It’s true!

Somehow this stupid plan works.

The bees are then “taken far back into the back country where they will cause no harm.”

And the small African village of Africa is safe again. Hooray!

Health Segment

A girl flying a kite at the park trips and falls and scrapes her elbow. Aquaman emerges from a nearby pool to help administer first aid.

Y’all, I think Aquaman may be homeless and he stays in this same swimming pool when he’s not on duty.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

 

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 11, Storyline C – “Exploration Earth”

Original Airdate – November 12, 1977

Short Synopsis: Some big orb in some little town lands and everyone is wondering what it is. All of a sudden, vacuum arms emerge and start sucking up citizens and vehicles.

But before we get into the plot I will discuss Gleek’s bath in depth.

We cut to the Hall of Justice – Gleek is running away from Zan and Jayna. Zan catches him and says it’s time for his weekly bath. He shoves Gleek into a tub:

Jayna then mockingly tells Gleek to “take it like a monkey,” and then…this is hard for me to talk about…then, Zan turns into water and enters the bathtub and Jayna turns into a horse to wash Gleek with her tail.

Why would this happen? Why would they do this? Why would Zan want to bathe a monkey with himself? How clean can you possibly get that close to a horse’s ass? I would question why Gleek is still dressed but that would have only made the whole thing worse.

“Looks like Gleek is squeaky clean,” exclaims Aquaman, observing the exact opposite of what has happened.

Now that we all know what happened maybe we can pool our money and go to group therapy together.

Mercifully, the Super Friends are alerted to the people-stealing orb and the plot moves on from this nightmare.

The Bore of the Worlds

As you can see, the invading spacecraft look a lot like the ones from The War of the Worlds, and they scoop people up in similar fashion.

Batman and Robin and Superman try to stop the spacecraft and they all suck at it. Superman discovers that it is partially made from Kryptonite so he can’t even go near it (this is a lie, as you’ll see). Point is, these things are indestructible. Here’s some images of the Super Friends not stopping them:

How embarrassing:

Superman laments that he can’t help because he can’t get near the ship (another lie), so Wonder Woman saves him like it ain’t no thang.

The Crying Game

Ok folks – time to guess, based on the two forms Zan and Jayna take, what the emergency is and how they solve it. Answer at the bottom:

Hint: it involves a kid on a bike.

She’s not bad she was drawn that way.

BAD ANIMATORS! NO!

This is just one example of very poor face animation. Superman looked like a different person in every scene he was in.

Close Encounters of the Turd Kind

Superman concludes that he must visit the planet the spaceships came from in order to convince them to stop harvesting people. This is a good idea even though their ships have kryptonite in them and they could then render him completely more useless.

There’s all this talk about how big the aliens must be. “They must be 50ft tall!” assumes Aquaman.

Superman arrives at the planet and is greeted via video phone by one of the aliens, who look a lot like Shrek. See the giant doors!? They must be HUGE!

 

Dulliver’s Travels

Yeah, them things were little.

They secured him with “kryptonite cables,” which means they held him long enough for me to get that screen shot. He then uses his heat vision to cut a beam from the ceiling, which falls, snapping the cables. I’m getting the sense it wasn’t so much the kryptonite as it was Superman likes being tied down, as you would think the kryptonite would keep him from using his heat vision and such.

He then takes a “duplicate lander” back to Earth to stop the first lander. EXCUSE ME? What was all that talk about not being able to get close to the lander because it was made from kryptonite? I’m getting the sense that it wasn’t so much the kryptonite as it was Superman being lazy and not wanting to help Batman.

Stop getting all up in my planet.

Superman arrives with the second lander and then starts a cat fight with the other one.

Superman eventually wins and the aliens are humbled and learn a lesson. zzzzzzzzzz

Wonder Twins “Brainteaser?”

There was a kid on a bike headed straight for the lander. Zan became a glacier to do this:

And then Jayna became the condor to catch him:

I know I’m no superhero, but I suspect that a simple, “hey kid, bike the other way!” may have been just as effective.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 11, Storyline B – “Cheating”

Original Airdate – November 12, 1977

Safety Segment

Aquaman is teaching this young man a special skill:

NO YOU PERVERT, he’s teaching him how to expel water from his lungs. Sheesh.

Short Synopsis: “In the local countryside, just outside of Mid City, athletes from the neighboring high schools are about to start their annual cross country race.” – Narrator

Three teenagers discuss hoping to win and the guy with the “F” (for foreshadowing) brags that for sure he’s going to win.

A man who looks like what would happen if Obama and Telly Savalas had a baby who grew up to hold the world record for “Longest Index Finger” starts the race:

F is for Foliage hides behind some bushes while the others run past, the cheater.

No, they did not give this dude a name. 

F is for Fearless Cheater arrives at a gorge, where he has either followed the cheater’s code of “be prepared,” or he has happened upon a rare grappling hook bush.

As he crosses the gorge, he looks below and sees two stranded kids:

F is for Fuck Stranded Kids decides that someone else will surely help them and stays focused on his cheating plan.

“Knowing that if he rescues them, he will be exposed as a cheater, Jack continues with the race.” – Narrator.

JACK! Why didn’t y’all say that in the first place (the first place Jack wants to cheat his way to).

Ugh, it’s time for The Wonder Twins to enter the picture.

They are alerted of the missing boys and head out to the area. Jayna REALLY has a tight grip on Gleek’s butt this time:

They can’t find the kids and a storm rolls in with heavy lightning. No, unfortunately The Wonder Twins are not struck by lightning.

Jack wins the race and announces he’s the best (at cheating), and Zan and Jayna show up asking if anyone’s seen the kids.

Jack has a guilty conscious after he sees lightning strike in the area he knows the kids are at, so he fesses up.

The Wonder Twins find the boys, who are in immediate danger because a flash flood is heading for them.

Now we play a game.

As suggested by Christian of Point Counter-Point Point Point, try and guess how The Wonder Twins saved the boys based only on what they morphed into (answer will be at the bottom):

The lesson is…

Jack is disqualified and says he learned something more important than winning: something about self respect.

Personally, I think the lesson is that if you cheat, you will save at minimum two children’s lives.

 

 

And the answer to the “riddle” is: Zan became an Ice Dam to stop the flash flood and Jayna became a kangaroo so that she could hop the boys to safety:

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.