Saturday Morning Ridiculousness – Super Friends S1 Ep4

Oops! I skipped one. Last week’s was episode 5, so this week will be episode 4. God, I hope I can follow what’s going on.

Season 1 Episode 4: The Weather Maker

Airdate was September 29, 1973.

The Super Friends consist of Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Batman, and Robin. Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog are the “Junior Super Friends.” They haven’t made partner yet. They also have no super powers other than Wonder Dog’s ability to almost speak.

Short Synopsis: Icebergs are drifting into the Atlantic Ocean and Wendy and Marvin’s pool froze over. Both equally important clues suggest someone is tampering with the weather. Seaweed becomes overgrown in the ocean, “creating a tangle,” etc. A Dr. Thinkquick is to blame. He’s from a country called Glacia, located in the North Pole. It’s so cold (how cold is it?) that he’s shifting the Gulf Stream so that it will be warm there and they can grow crops and livestock. Weirdo.

Important Super Friends Acronym: WWH – World Weather Headquarters. They also go to “The United States Government Building.”

This Episode Was Made Before the Internet
Batman, Marvin, Wendy, and Wonder Dog spend an eternity in The United States Government Building, which seems to be the only place anyone can get a map. When the “last” map of the Gulf Stream is stolen by a minion, there’s a big chase, because, boys and girls, in the early 70’s, if you couldn’t get your hands on a map in the USGB, you were shit out of luck.

They don't love you like I love you, USGB

WTF Screenshots
This is a train hitch Superman and Wonder Woman made out of two icebergs to help a trapped battleship.

Because Superman couldn't possibly just move the iceberg to free a ship.

Aquaman enjoys a buttermilk biscuit (made by Wendy) in the middle of the crisis.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how you keep a secret:


My Parents are Swimmeth Paltrow and Fish Martin.

My name is William, asshole.

Aquaman “talks” to a whale named Globey, or Globie, or Glow Bee – I don’t know how’s it’s spelled. How in the hell did this whale get named that? Is he the son of celebrity whales? These are the kind of hanging plot threads that drive me nuts.

Keep Telling Yourself That, Wendy.
“If they left us, then it must be perfectly safe.”

For the second episode in a row, Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog end up stuck on a boat with the villain.

Batman and the USGB, Like a Moth to a Flame
Batman and Robin end up at the United States Government Building again. They need to get from the 10th floor to the 60th, and, I swear to God, they decide to take the stairs because it would be good exercise (and because the elevator would be too “noisy”).

“Just enough to tone our muscles,” says Batman. Shut up, Batman.

If you would like to witness these shenanigans in all their glory, the first season of Super Friends is available on DVD. This is an affiliate link.

Death AND Cake – Things I’ve Worried About

I’ve been a pop culture junkie since I was a wee one. I was never allowed to watch MTV, which means, of course, I watched it all the time. I was allowed to watch Nick Rocks, the video show on Nickelodeon. So every time my parents caught me watching MTV I told them it was Nick Rocks. And yes, I was a child when MTV literally showed videos during waking hours.

The Alice in Wonderland inspired video for Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers’ “Don’t Come Around Here No More” had a lasting impression on me:

I know what you’re thinking, yes, that IS Dave Stewart of the Eurythmics as the Caterpillar at the beginning. He co-wrote the song. But, back to the subject at hand.

This song was released in 1985. I was 7 or 8 at the time. I think we can all agree that Tom Petty is a unique looking man. He’s very pointy. His voice, combined with his pointy-ness, and his Mat Hatter persona in this video seriously bugged me out. The whole video has a creepy, surreal vibe that disturbed me.

But, the thing that bothered me the most is when Alice is turned into a cake at the end. I was worried this may happen to me.

Was I worried I may turn into a pig baby? No. Nor was I worried about about becoming small enough to use a doughnut as a life preserver because that would be delicious. Somehow, the cake thing was what got my mind turning. This just seemed the most likely of all the scenarios presented.

And ultimately, this is was what worried me the most: I truly hoped that if and when I was turned into a cake, that everyone would be neater about cutting me up and serving me. Look at that mess! Tom’s serving all-icing pieces and all that cake is crumbled on the table. I can only hope my Mad Hatter and checkerboard ladies show some mercy on that front.

I did grow to love Tom Petty. He’s one of the most represented musicians on my iPod. And I also love the song, but I can’t hear it without thinking of messy cake.

Saturday Morning Ridiculousness – Super Friends S1 Ep5

Season 1 – Episode 5: Dr. Pelagian’s War

Airdate was September 22, 1973.

The Super Friends consist of Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Batman, and Robin. Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog are the “Junior Super Friends.” They haven’t made partner yet. They also have no super powers other than Wonder Dog’s ability to almost speak.

Short Synopsis: Talking albatrosses (yes.) show up around coasts to deliver ominous warnings about people needing to stop polluting “by noon” – so says a Dr. Palagian. He’s an extremist and targeting three industrialists who don’t want to stop polluting. The Super Friends are tasked with changing these three people’s minds (they really love polluting).

Public Service Announcement

The episode starts of with Marvin bringing Wonder Dog a hot dog “heavy on the mustard and onions.” NO – onions are poisonous to dogs. Always make your dogs’ hot dogs without onions.

Everything Goes to Shit at Noon, You What That Means
The Super Friends don’t start doing any work until 11:45 a.m. Yes, the narrator explicitly states that.

And then, they find out at ten minutes to five, that at five, “artificially created tidal waves” are going to strike the factories of the three holdout tycoons. And just to prove to the viewer that the Super Friends are indeed this lazy and incompetent, we get a shot of their clock:

WTF Screenshots
I couldn’t think of a better screenshot to demonstrate how much everyone cared about the quality of this show. This was a sign for an amusement park ride:

How do the Super Friends enlarge pictures, etc., to get a better look at them? By putting them in the Blow-Ups slot. Duh.

OMG you guys, Dr. Palagian is going to create a tidal wave! What’s a tidal wave? I’m two steps ahead of you – we had an artist draw one so you’d know.

Splitting Hairs = Super Power!
Marvin, Wendy and Wonder Dog explain that a dire warning came from a huge talking seagull. Aquaman and Batman inform Wendy and Marvin that no, you idiots, seagull can’t be that big, it must have been a talking albatross. Thank God we got to the bottom of which bird was TALKING.

Word of the Day
“Palagian is a word that means ‘inhabitant of the open sea’” – Wonder Woman (NOT Aquaman)

Aquaman, No, Really, You’re Still Special
Dr. Palagian, who is the best Marine Biologist who ever Marine Biologied, has learned to communicate with sea creatures telepathically. Yup, he just kinda learned it. No, this is not a super power. He figured it out. Seriously. He’s so good at it, he can overrule Aquaman’s “super power” ability to communicate with sea creatures telepathically. Personally, I think everyone took Aquaman’s word for it that he could do this and all of a sudden someone comes along who can actually do it and he’s all “ohhhh, noooo, Dr. Palagian is jamming my communications!”

I command you - swim around! Make funny looking poop! See, told you.

Shut Up, Batman
“Here comes the twin to the other baby.” – Batman, referring to the second tidal wave.

You Don’t Say.

“Once more, the Super Friends demonstrate that brain power can be more effective than brute force, and in so doing, have not only stopped massive tidal waves, but, have created the largest ice cube, ever.”

UPDATE: Albatross Expert, Yes. Telling the Difference Between Killer Whales and Sharks, No.

So, Aquaman and Superman are in the ocean trying to save Wendy and Marvin, and Superman makes this observation: “Those killer whales definitely don’t look peaceful.”

Yeah, and they don’t look like killer whales, either. And no, Aquaman doesn’t correct him. Idiots.

If you would like to witness these shenanigans in all their glory, the first season of Super Friends is available on DVD. This is an affiliate link.

The Gremlins Cost Us Disney Re-Releases

Tom asks me what I’m watching on TV. I was watching Gremlins, as any well-rounded person would be.

Me: Look, they’re showing Snow White and the Seven Dwarves at the movie theater. Remember when they used to do that, re-release Snow White on a regular basis?

Tom: How do you know that Snow White was re-released in 1984?

Me: Nobody is acting like it’s odd that Snow White is the only movie playing there.

Tom: Yes, but the theater is also filled with Gremlins, who don’t exist.

Me: True. BUT, the Gremlins were given a chance to see a classic on the big screen and it’s a shame that it doesn’t happen nowadays.

Tom: Yes, because the Gremlins ruined it for the rest of us – look how poorly they’re behaving.

Me: Well, then they should re-release Gremlins to teach us all a valuable lesson about needing to be on our best behavior so that we can all see Snow White in movie theaters again. And while they may be showing it on TV, there are way too many options on cable for enough people to see it and really get to think about…

Tom walks into kitchen to re-heat pizza.

Saturday Morning Ridiculousness – Super Friends S1 Ep3

Season 1 – Episode 3: “Professor Goodfellow’s G.E.E.C.”

Airdate was September 22, 1973.

The Super Friends consist of Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Batman, and Robin. Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog are the “Junior Super Friends.” They haven’t made partner yet. They also have no super powers other than Wonder Dog’s ability to almost speak.

Short Synopsis: Machines start operating on their own. It turns out a dude named Professor Goodfellow has invented the world’s biggest computer, whose purpose is to “free mankind of all physical labor, brainwork, and responsibility.” It’s called “G.E.E.C” – Goodfellow’s Effort Eliminating Computer. Mr. Huggins, some random guy representing the government turns down PG’s “gift” to America – so PG offers G.E.E.C.’s services to the world for free. Everyone becomes fat and lazy (this episode would work perfectly as a prequel to WALL-E). The whole thing falls apart because Goodfellow leaves a freakin’ sandwich in the mainframe and a mouse gets in there and ruins everything. For reals.

Shut Up, Batman
“We can guess why you’re here Mr. Huggins – weird things are happening.” – Batman, ever astute.

Is This Something to be Shocked About? I Dunno, Flip a Coin.
After the Batmobile starts driving itself, it takes Batman, Robin, Superman, and Amanda Hugginkiss to a large compound surrounded by humongous robots:
Giant Robots
Robin’s response: “That’s the biggest building I’ve ever seen!”

Wonder Woman-Hemingway
Wonder Woman calls robots “ro-butts.” She also looks eerily like Mariel Hemingway to me:

Superman is Keenly Aware of How Busy He is.
“This is probably the busiest day of my life.” – Superman

Yes, but he definitely takes his down time seriously:

Oh, no, Superman, don't get up.

WTF Screenshots
This is Wendy, Marvin, Batman, Mr. Huggins, Robin, Wonder Dog, Professor Goodfellow, and Superman on what looks like a pontoon boat on wheels, touring the giant computer. Professor Goodfellow explains that even actors and athletes won’t have to work, as they’ll be replaced with robots. This is the part of the computer that covers all of the world’s “theater” needs.

Attend the tale of Sweeny Bot.

Professor Goodfellow never has to lift a finger – he can have whatever he wants when he wants. When the Super Friends visit him, it’s his lunchtime. This is the contraption he uses to order his meal, which has 4 amazing options:

Deus ex Matrimony

Allegedly, all the Super Friends have communication rings so that they can constantly ask each other for help when they screw up. However, earlier in the episode Robin had to use a CB radio to contact Superman and the only two they actually SHOW with the rings (on their left hand ring fingers) are Batman and Superman.

Oh, no, I can’t be in The Justice League, but when someone needs to get a mouse out of the largest computer in the world, all of a sudden Plastic Man is everyone’s best friend.

Yes, that’s right – Plastic Man makes a cameo and saves the day because only he could get through the “tube” that leads to the mouse. I will say this about the episode: what would normally be a highly mock-able plot point for anyone else – complete concern for the safety and welfare of the mouse in the face of the entire world falling apart – gets nothing but kudos from me. All he wanted was a sandwich and some cheese, and isn’t that what we all want in this life?

It's your world and I'm just a mouse trying to get some cheese

So, Plastic Man saves the day, and Wendy decides to keep the mouse as a pet.

Everybody wins. Except for all the people involved in plane crashes and other G.E.E.C.-related mishaps, of course. But if they aren’t going to dwell on it, neither will I.

If you would like to witness these shenanigans in all their glory, the first season of Super Friends is available on DVD. This is an affiliate link.