Even if you’re stealing my underwear and making fun of me and my belongings, it’s worth it.

Hotels. I love hotels. Most likely this is due to really only staying in them when doing fun things. Whatever the reason, I think what it comes down to is coming back to a made bed. There is really nothing like leaving the room with a messy bed or two, and then coming back to made beds, re-folded towels, and new soap. I love not having to do things, and making the bed is way up there.

And I’m sure the cleaning crew have to power to do all sorts of things, particularly involving underpants and abscondtion (a word I just made up) involving anything in the room, but dammit, the power of a made bed is too irresistible. Since I’m currently at Disney, I’m just assuming the whole thing goes down magically, anyway. They keep throwing that word around, so I just apply it to everything, including my swirled, messy sheets.

Two Things You Don’t Want to Hear a Doctor Say in Sequential and Horrific Order

I went to the doctor recently for a yearly check-up. First of all, I learned I was 1 and 1/4 inch taller than I thought I was. Now my driver’s license has a big fat lie on it and there’s been so many things I thought I couldn’t reach and didn’t bother to try, now only to find out I should have.

That was the GOOD news to come of the appointment. I also figured I’d kill two doctor appointments with one stone and get my stupid pap smear over with. Yay! The mention of a pap smear! Trust me, I’m right there with you. But, the two things I heard the doctor mutter that day were so hilarious and horrific that they warrant documentation. Sparing you every detail, I present, the two things any woman who takes herself too seriously should hear:

1. “I can’t find your uterus.”
2. “I’m going to need some assistance.” (Gets up and cracks the door) “AMANDA! Could you come in here please?”

After Amanda arrived, with a flashlight, I guess, the doctor then completed the following SAT analogy question:

The Holy Grail : The Fountain of Youth ::

a. wallet : money
b. car : television
c. keys : uterus

“Never mind, I found it.”

Holy Grail : Keys