Facts and Tidbits About 1980s Songs that I Made Up

  •  Mike Score of A Flock of Seagulls may have said he ran so far away, but really he only walked down to the stop sign because his mom said he wasn’t allowed to leave the cul-de-sac. That’s why they had to use aluminum foil and garbage bag dresses to make the video in his basement.

  • Turns out it wasn’t the train. The rails were crazy.
  • The original lyrics of “For Those About to Rock” were, “For those about to rock, take a coat, please.”
  • You can get your Eyes Without a Face with the Face on the side, or you can substitute the face for cheesy grits.*
  • You don’t have to believe we are magic, it’s just highly encouraged, and would be a favor to Olivia Newton John because she kind of already told everybody we are.
  • “Another One Bites the Dust” was the inspiration for the TV show My Strange Addiction.
  • In Glenn Fry’s “You Belong to the City,” the saxophone is played by a California Raisin.
  • The greatest assumption-of-naked-swimming lyric to come out of the 80s is: “You just took for granted that I want to skinny dip” from the masterpiece “We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off” by Jermaine Stewart.
  • Your kiss may be on Hall and Oates’ list, but you know what the second thing is? “The sound of my victim’s cries.” Third? “Fried lips with honey mustard dipping sauce.”


*That one was blatantly stolen from Tom, inspired yet again from my iPod content.

How to Keep Your Weird Wife Happy and Informed

1. When her beloved TiVo breaks, and you have to get out the ancient VCR, help with the transition:

2. While watching Dr. Who, season 6, if your weird wife is having a hard time visualizing timelines, help her out with a hand-drawn diagram. Important: Before you come to your senses and help her in the friendly manner you excel at, stating that “It’s not that hard to figure out” is not the best first approach as it will unleash an expletive-filled verbal lashing. While she does understand you don’t mean anything by it, it’s still kind of an assy move.

3. On a weekend, when you all have planned to see a movie, like you do every weekend, and you’ve looked up all the showtimes and ran down everything that’s playing and even sometimes looked up all the reviews because your weird wife is also a weird lazy wife, get your day started off right. Since your weird wife doesn’t trust her own memory when it comes to time, write everything on her hand so that you don’t have to answer the same question 10 times before it’s time to leave. Hand is best, she will misplace paper.