Death AND Cake – Things I’ve Worried About

I’ve been a pop culture junkie since I was a wee one. I was never allowed to watch MTV, which means, of course, I watched it all the time. I was allowed to watch Nick Rocks, the video show on Nickelodeon. So every time my parents caught me watching MTV I told them it was Nick Rocks. And yes, I was a child when MTV literally showed videos during waking hours.

The Alice in Wonderland inspired video for Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers’ “Don’t Come Around Here No More” had a lasting impression on me:

I know what you’re thinking, yes, that IS Dave Stewart of the Eurythmics as the Caterpillar at the beginning. He co-wrote the song. But, back to the subject at hand.

This song was released in 1985. I was 7 or 8 at the time. I think we can all agree that Tom Petty is a unique looking man. He’s very pointy. His voice, combined with his pointy-ness, and his Mat Hatter persona in this video seriously bugged me out. The whole video has a creepy, surreal vibe that disturbed me.

But, the thing that bothered me the most is when Alice is turned into a cake at the end. I was worried this may happen to me.

Was I worried I may turn into a pig baby? No. Nor was I worried about about becoming small enough to use a doughnut as a life preserver because that would be delicious. Somehow, the cake thing was what got my mind turning. This just seemed the most likely of all the scenarios presented.

And ultimately, this is was what worried me the most: I truly hoped that if and when I was turned into a cake, that everyone would be neater about cutting me up and serving me. Look at that mess! Tom’s serving all-icing pieces and all that cake is crumbled on the table. I can only hope my Mad Hatter and checkerboard ladies show some mercy on that front.

I did grow to love Tom Petty. He’s one of the most represented musicians on my iPod. And I also love the song, but I can’t hear it without thinking of messy cake.

The Gremlins Cost Us Disney Re-Releases

Tom asks me what I’m watching on TV. I was watching Gremlins, as any well-rounded person would be.

Me: Look, they’re showing Snow White and the Seven Dwarves at the movie theater. Remember when they used to do that, re-release Snow White on a regular basis?

Tom: How do you know that Snow White was re-released in 1984?

Me: Nobody is acting like it’s odd that Snow White is the only movie playing there.

Tom: Yes, but the theater is also filled with Gremlins, who don’t exist.

Me: True. BUT, the Gremlins were given a chance to see a classic on the big screen and it’s a shame that it doesn’t happen nowadays.

Tom: Yes, because the Gremlins ruined it for the rest of us – look how poorly they’re behaving.

Me: Well, then they should re-release Gremlins to teach us all a valuable lesson about needing to be on our best behavior so that we can all see Snow White in movie theaters again. And while they may be showing it on TV, there are way too many options on cable for enough people to see it and really get to think about…

Tom walks into kitchen to re-heat pizza.

Carried Away – Yes, Even You Can Have a Punny TV Show

I love a good pun. Ok, so perhaps the very essence of the pun means they can’t be “good.” But, still. However, the naming-a-television-show-with-a-pun-of-the-main-characters-name has got to stop. In flipping through my Entertainment Weekly fall TV preview issue, there are two new shows with these titles:

Hart of Dixie – Rachel Bilson plays doctor Zoe Hart, who leaves NYC for a practice in Alabama.
Reed Between the Lines – Tracee Ellis Ross plays Dr. Carla Reed, a psychologist who works AND has kids, people.

Other examples:
Raising Hope
Hope and Faith
Hart to Hart
Grey’s Anatomy
Better Off Ted
Saving Grace
Joan of Arcadia
Grace Under Fire
Sonny With a Chance

And on and on and on…

Here are my predictions for future television shows just waiting their chance at word play and ratings glory:

Itis What It Is – Jo Itis is a single mother raising three kids and juggling her juggling career and the rest of life’s hassles.

Two Birds, One Stone – Kendra and Patrick Bird are jewel thieves wrapped up in international intrigue and love for each other.

Old Hat – Gary Hat, a resident of the local retirement home, is a retired cop. Everybody bugs him for advice on cold cases. (Spin-off will be Old Adage, about a lady named Adage Adams)

Tossen Cookies – Cookie Tossen is a baker, and perpetually single. She needs a man to do it with her and some help in the kitchen! She also has a sensitive stomach.

Fall on the Sworde – A sci-fi show where the entire nation has mysteriously stopped experiencing Winter, Summer, and Spring. It’s up to scientist Harold Sworde to figure out why.

Steve All About It – Steve Hunch is the managing editor of a struggling newspaper. His life pretty much sucks.

Half and Half – Two detectives – Ronnie Half, an idealistic newbie, and Dan Waite, a grizzled and cynical dwarf – try and get along while stopping crime in the city of Atlanta. If it’s on the same network, maybe they can get occasional help from Gary Hat. And oh my God, there has already been a show called Half & Half about half sisters. It ran for four years. Crap. Potential new names for my show: Half-Pint, The Ron and Short of It, or The Waiting is the Halfest Part.

E = M.C. Squared – Twins Michael and Charlie are aspiring rappers. Their rapping duo act is called Energy. They rap at the local town square for tips and also help the locals with their various problems.

MY TV show will be called “Carried Away,” about a woman obsessed with coming up with TV show titles with puns in them.

I could do this allll day.