I found myself in the drugstore’s greeting card section yet again last week.
This time, the Halloween cards (which I really don’t see the point of) had been replaced with Thanksgiving cards. I don’t know why, but this seems even sillier than Halloween cards to me. And, as usual, there were categories which had wrong descriptions and cards. I have made the necessary corrections:
I would like to preface the next two with the following fact: I work in dog rescue. I buy my dogs Christmas presents. We make up songs about our dogs and sing them to our dogs (“Your own, personal, Jenkins. Someone to give belly rubs, someone to snug….reach out and kiss face”). I even “understand” a birthday card from a dog (cats don’t give a shit). So when I say that there is a problem if you feel you need to buy or receive a Thanksgiving card from your pet, that means there’s a problem.
I’m not particularly fond of greeting cards. I don’t understand paying $3 for a folded piece of paper with a bunch of words you didn’t write expressing feelings you may or may not feel. I always buy unsentimental funny cards if I can find them. But, clearly, many, many people like greeting cards.
Looking through the cards at the drugstore yesterday, I noticed that they have any card you could ever need for “religious.” Since I don’t like cards and prefer to make my own, I did just that:
I used to write these for a website way back in the mid 2000s. The website shut down but the listings for conversation pieces never stopped. In order to save you money, I create conversations for the conversation pieces so that you can enjoy them, move on, and spend your hard earned money on hot dogs or socks.
Conversation Piece: Small Brass Telescope Unique Nice Conversation Piece
The doorbell rings. Mr. John Hodges walks to the door, instantly recognizing his lovely neighbor, Ms. Jane Grover.
John: Why hello! Do, come in. What a pleasant surprise!
Jane: Hi, Mr. Hodges.
John: Would you care for some lemonade?
Jane walks over to a small table by a window in the living room.
John: Oh! You noticed my brass telescope! I got that off of Ebay, I thought it would be a perfect companion to my antique brass compa-
Jane: Stop using it to watch me take a shower.
John: Yes, ma’am.