Season 1 – Episode 5: Dr. Pelagian’s War
Airdate was September 22, 1973.
The Super Friends consist of Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Batman, and Robin. Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog are the “Junior Super Friends.” They haven’t made partner yet. They also have no super powers other than Wonder Dog’s ability to almost speak.
Short Synopsis: Talking albatrosses (yes.) show up around coasts to deliver ominous warnings about people needing to stop polluting “by noon” – so says a Dr. Palagian. He’s an extremist and targeting three industrialists who don’t want to stop polluting. The Super Friends are tasked with changing these three people’s minds (they really love polluting).
Public Service Announcement
Everything Goes to Shit at Noon, You What That Means
The Super Friends don’t start doing any work until 11:45 a.m. Yes, the narrator explicitly states that.
And then, they find out at ten minutes to five, that at five, “artificially created tidal waves” are going to strike the factories of the three holdout tycoons. And just to prove to the viewer that the Super Friends are indeed this lazy and incompetent, we get a shot of their clock:
I couldn’t think of a better screenshot to demonstrate how much everyone cared about the quality of this show. This was a sign for an amusement park ride:
Splitting Hairs = Super Power!
Marvin, Wendy and Wonder Dog explain that a dire warning came from a huge talking seagull. Aquaman and Batman inform Wendy and Marvin that no, you idiots, seagull can’t be that big, it must have been a talking albatross. Thank God we got to the bottom of which bird was TALKING.
Word of the Day
“Palagian is a word that means ‘inhabitant of the open sea’” – Wonder Woman (NOT Aquaman)
Aquaman, No, Really, You’re Still Special
Dr. Palagian, who is the best Marine Biologist who ever Marine Biologied, has learned to communicate with sea creatures telepathically. Yup, he just kinda learned it. No, this is not a super power. He figured it out. Seriously. He’s so good at it, he can overrule Aquaman’s “super power” ability to communicate with sea creatures telepathically. Personally, I think everyone took Aquaman’s word for it that he could do this and all of a sudden someone comes along who can actually do it and he’s all “ohhhh, noooo, Dr. Palagian is jamming my communications!”
Shut Up, Batman
“Here comes the twin to the other baby.” – Batman, referring to the second tidal wave.
You Don’t Say.
“Once more, the Super Friends demonstrate that brain power can be more effective than brute force, and in so doing, have not only stopped massive tidal waves, but, have created the largest ice cube, ever.”
UPDATE: Albatross Expert, Yes. Telling the Difference Between Killer Whales and Sharks, No.
So, Aquaman and Superman are in the ocean trying to save Wendy and Marvin, and Superman makes this observation: “Those killer whales definitely don’t look peaceful.”
Yeah, and they don’t look like killer whales, either. And no, Aquaman doesn’t correct him. Idiots.
If you would like to witness these shenanigans in all their glory, the first season of Super Friends is available on DVD. This is an affiliate link.