Beach Week and the Aging Process

Last week was beach week for some of my extended family on my mom’s side. There were five children 6 and under, two on the way, so next year is gonna be even more nuts.

Here’s the thing about the beach: I do not like to sit in the sun. Or just be in the sun in general. I like it when it is sunny outside, and I like to enjoy that from the shade if the temperature is below 75 degrees. At least at the beach it’s windy, otherwise it would be too awful for me.

The other thing is the ocean. What. a. bitch. “Oooh, I’m cool and refreshing and so much fun! Come on in! GET THE FUCK OUT.” I’m assuming it’s a fitness and age issue – but I don’t have the stones for it so much anymore. I used to just run in, hurl myself over the waves, get past the breakers, and then stand around avoiding being violently ushered out by the huge waves. That’s pretty much the fun of being in the ocean if you’re not surfing or boogie boarding. I used to love boogie boarding, but as you get older, and as you feel your face hit a carpet of seashells after a rough ride, you start to realize how delicate the neck is and how important it is to have it intact and holding up your head, keeping you mobile and such.

I do not endorse this terrifying product. I just needed a picture for this post and it's the only one that was on my phone.

I do not endorse this terrifying product. I just needed a picture for this post and it’s the only one that was on my phone.

Because of all the small kids, two years ago the family decided to rent a beach house with a pool so that the kids could actually swim around without everyone being afraid of them being carried off to sea. This has turned out to be a a great decision considering all the staggered schedules of the kids (naps, meals, etc.) and the ability for the people with babies to still be able to interact with the family instead of sitting around with a monitor during naptime all by your lonesome. It’s also good for the lazy, sad people with a third beach issue (including me): applying sunscreen.

I also hate putting on sunscreen. This is for several reasons. One is that the surface area that needs to be covered has grown to it’s largest ever (that’s even with a swim shirt and board shorts). Second, I try to use the most natural sunscreen I can. I don’t know if anyone has tried applying this shit, but it’s a workout. This kind of stuff doesn’t just glide on, you have to bully it into covering your skin. And then, when you have it all on, it’s like you’ve constructed a white, sticky,  shirt, pants, and mask for yourself. I just feel gross covered in sunscreen.

Of course, all of this adds up to the guilt of of feeling like a huge spoiled brat. Oh, poor baby in the giant beach house with the pool doesn’t like to put on sunscreen and thinks the beautiful ocean is mean to her.

Growing up, we went to the beach every year starting at about age 11 for me. I always thought it was so lame that the adults mainly liked to sit in rocking chairs on the porch and chat and read a book. I still don’t like to sit around all day, but as I’ve gotten lamer older, I do see the appeal.

Luckily, the kids keep us youngish.  Once the sunscreen is actually on, and you’re in the pool, it’s a great time. Until, of course, you have to be a courteous adult and then get out of the pool and actually go to the bathroom to pee. Stupid courtesy.

Boy, for someone who just had a nice week at the beach, that sure was a complain-y post. More positive highlights and observations to come.

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 12 – Magic Trick

This week it’s time to visit the Super Friends Magic Theater again!

Batman and Robin are here to teach us a trick, standing strangely side by side like a couple of robots:

Super Friends Magic Bots

Robin is showing us the “Mysterious Egg Trick,” and he needs a purse from the audience.

Wait, the audience? What? They’ve never had an audience before. I think this is an elaborate cover up to disguise the fact that we all know damn well that Batman and Robin own purses, I mean, “utility belts.”

“Robin tells me that he will empty the purse and then, after showing that the purse is empty, he will mysteriously find an egg in that purse.” – Batman, needing something to do, so he describes in excruciating detail exactly what we are about to see.

Actually, I found a much more interesting magic trick:

1. Robin empties the purse on to the table:

Super Friends Purse

 

2. And then, when they cut to the wide shot – ALL OF HER SHIT IS GONE:

Super Friends All Gone

MAGIC!!!!

And, just as Batman prophesied, an egg magically appears in the purse.

Super Friends Purse Egg

How did they do it?

“Before Robin even announced the trick, he gave me an egg.” – Batman

When Batman was checking to see that the purse was empty, HE was adding the egg! Amazing.

But here’s the kicker. Robin exclaims that they better get back to the show (the actual stories where they’re supposed to be saving people and things), and then they LITERALLY DISAPPEAR.

disappear

So you’ll teach us how to place an egg in a purse but an actual cool trick isn’t on the table, just like the volunteer’s purse contents. Whatever.

Also, shouldn’t you use a boiled egg? I think that would be an important tidbit to pass on to the small children who may try this trick.  But what do I know – I can’t magically vanish into thin air THANKS TO A CERTAIN CRIME FIGHTING DUO.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 12 – “The Lionmen” Part 2

One million years ago, I posted part one of The Lionmen.

Here’s what happened in the first half of the story in case you forgot.

….A bunch of scientists tell the Super Friends that if they “got enough of the elements needed” they could make a “negative lens” to counteract the one that Lionex is using to split the Earth in to five delicious slices.

They only have two hours, MAYBE THREE, if they can slow down Lionex’s machine. Generally, if the Super Friends have hours to do something, they usually picnic or floss their teeth until about 10 minutes before the deadline, but this time they actually do fill the two-three hours with doing stuff.

When you need to be incognita, become a giant space amoeba.

Batman laments that they won’t be able to get back on the satellite Lionex has taken over, but Jayna has a plan! The Lionmen won’t think twice about a floating giant space amoeba! I didn’t really know much about these Giant Space Amoebas, so I looked them up. Here’s one it it’s natural habitat.

Zan informs us that “space amoebas are very common in their part of the universe.” Ok, thanks, Zan. Wonder Woman likes this plan because the amoeba is large enough to conceal Zan, Gleek, and herself.

The rest of the Super Friends go out in search of rare elements.

By the way, this is the status of the Earth

Super Friends Earth Status

Oh, yeah, that’ll slide right back into place with no real repercussions at all. No problem.

Back to the Amoeba

“We’re as close as we can get to the space station, we’ll travel inside Jayna from here.” - Wonder Woman, creating all new nightmares for us all.

I warn you, you can’t unsee this:

jayna-folds

That right there would be the last piece left in a Whitman’s Sampler.

As predicted, the Lionmen were not worried about the lavender butt with warts space amoeba.

Super Friends Amoeba

They all make it on board and can initiate Operation Slow Down the Lionmen’s Machine or Something.

Gleek really Gleeks up the plan.

Wonder Woman manages to capture Lionex in a soundproof room that also has the  communication system in it.

Super Friends Hair Talk

Wonder Woman uses the “Justice League Voice Duplicator” to get on the loudspeaker and tell everyone in Lionex’s voice to cease operations and turn off the Strata Ray. And it would have worked if it wasn’t for a stupid blue space monkey and his tail. He switches on the camera and everyone sees the Wonder Woman behind the curtain.

Wonder Woman is then hit with a freeze ray and Lionex orders the Strata Ray turned back on at double power. Way to go, guys!

Truth Beam

“Wonder Woman is interrogated with a truth beam and forced to reveal the plans to build an anti-lens” – Narrator

Super Friends Truth Beam

Lionex then dispatches his men to stop the Super Friends from finding the rare elements.

Sorry, guys.

Everyone defeats their Lionmen and then there’s a scene that looks like Superman is going to return some kittens to the pet store because Batman, Robin, and Aquaman aren’t ready for the responsibility.

Super Friends Lionmen Pets

There’s a lot of discussing the plans – Superman is going to turn the Lionmen into the authorities and then visit the scientists to get the anti-lens and the others are going to the space station to turn of the kryptonite force field. It’s not the most exciting of scenes, but it is nice to actually see them try and coordinate and plan every once in awhile.

Or, you could…

Back at the space station, Lionex is petrifying Wonder Woman in some sort of contraption and promises to display her in a museum back home. He leaves the room and The Wonder Twins hatch a plan to save her.

Super Friends Or

 

And it’s nicely wrapped up like some superheroes in a giant space amoeba.

Superman makes it to the space station with minutes to spare, plugs in the anti-lens, and it magically puts the Earth back together like it hadn’t been completely ripped apart.

Wait, as far as I could tell, they gave Lionex a lecture and then sent him on his merry way back to his galaxy. Say what? I guess they couldn’t stand to see that fabulous head of hair behind bars.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Amazing and Interesting Updates

1. Last week when Tom and I were on a walk, we saw a lady literally walking and reading a book. She was also walking on the wrong side of the road (this bothers me immensely). This is how people cartoons fall down manholes. I thought maybe she would be a cartoon as she approached, but when she passed us, she was clearly a three dimensional human.

This is what she looked like but she WASN'T a drawing or cartoon.

This is what she looked like but she WASN’T a drawing or cartoon. I don’t mean to confuse anyone further but I wanted a visual for this post.

2. Recently we were eating dinner with my sister’s family and my niece complained that she was still hungry even though she still had food on her plate. My sister said she can have more salad if she’d like and she said, “Yes, I want more salad, but just the cheese part.” I think that pretty much sums up all of existence.

3. I found my Super Friends DVD! Guess where it was? No. Try again. Ok, I’ll just tell you – IT WAS IN THE TRASH. The only two scenarios I can think of are that either it was precariously balanced on the sofa arm and fell into the trash, OR the DVDs became self-aware and, realizing that they were a Super Friends DVD collection, put themselves in the trash. The good news is they were not harmed in the week and a half they were stuck in the bottom of a trash can.

4. The bad news is there still may not be a Super Friends this week because I have my fourth cold in as many months. I’ve been blessed with a sore throat for this cold and if there’s anything that makes me a big ol’ baby who feels she’s too ill and feeble to do a Super Friends post, it’s a sore throat. WHAT IS THE POINT OF A SORE THROAT? I get it, I’m sick. The fever couldn’t beat it so it went away – sore throat, fuck you, you don’t need to remind me I don’t feel well. Boo hoo, you’re smothered in snot – ALL OF ME IS SMOTHERED IN SNOT, you aren’t special!

5. Sorry, I get a little carried away in my hatred of sore throats. I would say it’s my least favorite symptom, but I’ve never had lesions or boils or coughed up blood so I’m not really ready to commit to that/am superstitious.

6. I hope everyone is having a great week and I’ll hopefully be back in the swing of things next week.

I would make a perfect Super Friend.

You guys, I can’t find my Super Friends DVD. I needed to get the post done today (Thursday) because we have family visiting starting this evening and I won’t have time to do it.

The DVDs have their case and then an “outer sleeve” that holds that case. I have the outer sleeve. I can’t find the one that actually has the DVDs. The outer sleeve spent the week safely tucked away on the floor and I thought that’s where the DVDs were but when it came time to load up the DVD only the lowly, lonely sleeve was to be found. I’m sure while I was cleaning up yesterday, I put the DVDs “somewhere safe” where I would know where they were just like I did with Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs four years ago. I don’t think they’ll be missing that long but they’re not going to show up in time to write a post by Saturday (these stupid posts take hours and hours). I yelled into the outer sleeve “where are your contents!!!” but I got no reply.

I feel super terrible since last week was a cliffhanger and I know you’re all dying to find out whether the Earth was split into five pieces and Earthlings were sold off as slaves or if that didn’t happen. If anyone would like to come over and help me look just let me know.

In a semi-related story – my niece was looking at the sleeve and I told her who everyone was, including Wonder Woman. My nice said, “I’ve seen her somewhere before! Does she like juice?”

I said something like, “Uhhh, I guess.”

So now I’m wondering how Wonder Woman and juice are related and how my niece knows this or if she was just making casual conversation.

Anyhow, my deepest apologies. I will spend the rest of the week searching for the DVDs and should be back up and running next week.