CPC: An old woman handed me this tribesman and-

Conversation Piece Conversation: Tribesman, Hand Carved

In order to save you money, I create conversations for the conversation pieces so that you can enjoy them, move on, and spend your hard earned money on hot dogs or socks.

John brings Reggie into his kitchen to show him his unique hand carved tribesman.

John: You’re not gonna believe it. It’s hand carved.

Reggie: Woowwww, look at all those cars!

John: Yeah, but-

Reggie: You didn’t tell me you collected miniature cars!

John: But the tribesman, the detail here-

Reggie: Is that a 57 Chevy?

John: Yes. An old woman handed me this tribesman and-

Reggie: How many cars are here? 50? 60?

John: I don’t know, Reggie.

Reggie: Can I have a grape?

John: They’re plastic.


Death AND Cake – Things I’ve Worried About

I’ve been a pop culture junkie since I was a wee one. I was never allowed to watch MTV, which means, of course, I watched it all the time. I was allowed to watch Nick Rocks, the video show on Nickelodeon. So every time my parents caught me watching MTV I told them it was Nick Rocks. And yes, I was a child when MTV literally showed videos during waking hours.

The Alice in Wonderland inspired video for Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers’ “Don’t Come Around Here No More” had a lasting impression on me:

I know what you’re thinking, yes, that IS Dave Stewart of the Eurythmics as the Caterpillar at the beginning. He co-wrote the song. But, back to the subject at hand.

This song was released in 1985. I was 7 or 8 at the time. I think we can all agree that Tom Petty is a unique looking man. He’s very pointy. His voice, combined with his pointy-ness, and his Mat Hatter persona in this video seriously bugged me out. The whole video has a creepy, surreal vibe that disturbed me.

But, the thing that bothered me the most is when Alice is turned into a cake at the end. I was worried this may happen to me.

Was I worried I may turn into a pig baby? No. Nor was I worried about about becoming small enough to use a doughnut as a life preserver because that would be delicious. Somehow, the cake thing was what got my mind turning. This just seemed the most likely of all the scenarios presented.

And ultimately, this is was what worried me the most: I truly hoped that if and when I was turned into a cake, that everyone would be neater about cutting me up and serving me. Look at that mess! Tom’s serving all-icing pieces and all that cake is crumbled on the table. I can only hope my Mad Hatter and checkerboard ladies show some mercy on that front.

I did grow to love Tom Petty. He’s one of the most represented musicians on my iPod. And I also love the song, but I can’t hear it without thinking of messy cake.

I accidentally named my blog after a Japanese serial killer.

I have no excuse. I didn’t Google “Cannibalistic Nerd” before I named my blog that. Why? Because I didn’t think to. Why? Because I live in a world where the words “cannibal” and “nerd” just aren’t usually in the same sentence. As someone who’s been accused (by Tom) of “loving” serial killers, I also either should have heard of him and this nickname, and/or known better and searched to make sure there were no serial killers with the nickname. Because these are the kinds of things I do worry about and look up. Why I failed myself this time is beyond me.

I had planned on putting a link to him, but it’s terribly upsetting (seriously), so I decided against it. But I’ve given you the key to finding him. Just look up “cannibal nerd,” like I didn’t.

So, I have a blog that happens to kind of share a nickname with a serial killer. What’s a girl to do? A pros and cons list, duh.


  • He also had lots of other nicknames, which were more popular than “Cannibal Nerd.” Eventually, if we can’t allow overlap for serial killer nicknames, there will be no way to name blogs anymore.
  • Inevitably, someone would have gotten that nickname. At least it’s over with.
  • “Cannibal Nerd” isn’t exactly like “Cannibalistic Nerd.” Although, cannibal_nerd is my exact Twitter name.
  • I like how “Cannibalistic Nerd” sounds! It has a nice rhythm to it. It’s got a great beat and you can dance to it.
  • I already named it that. To name it something else requires some minimal effort and I am quite lazy.
  • He’s dead.


  • I named my blog after a serial killer.
  • He’s like the worst one in Japan. Everybody hated him.
  • He somehow got the “nerd” part of his nickname because of his huge collection of porn. Bad porn. I’ll just leave it at that.
  • If I ever become a serial killer, I don’t want everyone getting confused.
  • If I ever get murdered by a serial killer, I don’t want everyone thinking I had it coming.

What does everyone think? Should I change the name? Here’s a brainstorm on possible other names:

Carrie the Pen Gripper
Buffalo Quill
Blog of Sam
The Mad Blogger of Kingsberry Run
Blogston Strangler
I Hate Prostitutes
Ted Bundy


How to Tell a Girl You Like Her OR Leave Me Alone – You Can Decide Later!

Tom (my husband) and I are going through a lot of old stuff, trying to stem the tide of becoming pack rats. We’re about to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary, and were together for six years before marriage. So, a lot of our “old stuff” is also shared memories. Tom, who is much more of a paper pack rat than me, is going through boxes of paper, and it’s been quite fun finding things I thought we never kept. More on that later, though.

Tom and I knew each other in high school, and became best friends when I was a senior in high school and he was a freshman in college. We were best friends for a year before becoming a couple. This year was the fun “what does he think of me, does he like me, does he know I like him?” era of our relationship. And by fun I mean torturous – I can’t stand ambiguity.

In going through my old stuff, I found the first thing I remember Tom ever getting for me. Trust me, I like weird stuff just as much as the next person, so it’s not that I didn’t LIKE it, it’s more that in obsessively trying to come up with what it could mean, I was very perplexed. So, I present to anyone who would like to give a gift that says “I got this for you. It may be because I recognize and appreciate your off-kilter-ness, or it may be because I’m trying say I’d like to give normal gifts to other women, buddy.”

Nothing says "I got you a rubbery half snake/half lady" like a rubbery half snake/half lady.

In retrospect, I of course realize how lucky I am to have found someone that would get this for me, put it in a little cardboard box, decorate it, and give it to me for no particular occasion. And I appreciate it that much more because of its context and the hilarity of me obsessing over what it could “mean.”

Nice one, future husband.

P.S. And it’s a good thing she doesn’t have any nipples cause she’d totally be nip slippin’ after 16 years of her tube top slowly sliding down.

Saturday Morning Ridiculousness – Super Friends S1 Ep5

Season 1 – Episode 5: Dr. Pelagian’s War

Airdate was September 22, 1973.

The Super Friends consist of Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Batman, and Robin. Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog are the “Junior Super Friends.” They haven’t made partner yet. They also have no super powers other than Wonder Dog’s ability to almost speak.

Short Synopsis: Talking albatrosses (yes.) show up around coasts to deliver ominous warnings about people needing to stop polluting “by noon” – so says a Dr. Palagian. He’s an extremist and targeting three industrialists who don’t want to stop polluting. The Super Friends are tasked with changing these three people’s minds (they really love polluting).

Public Service Announcement

The episode starts of with Marvin bringing Wonder Dog a hot dog “heavy on the mustard and onions.” NO – onions are poisonous to dogs. Always make your dogs’ hot dogs without onions.

Everything Goes to Shit at Noon, You What That Means
The Super Friends don’t start doing any work until 11:45 a.m. Yes, the narrator explicitly states that.

And then, they find out at ten minutes to five, that at five, “artificially created tidal waves” are going to strike the factories of the three holdout tycoons. And just to prove to the viewer that the Super Friends are indeed this lazy and incompetent, we get a shot of their clock:

WTF Screenshots
I couldn’t think of a better screenshot to demonstrate how much everyone cared about the quality of this show. This was a sign for an amusement park ride:

How do the Super Friends enlarge pictures, etc., to get a better look at them? By putting them in the Blow-Ups slot. Duh.

OMG you guys, Dr. Palagian is going to create a tidal wave! What’s a tidal wave? I’m two steps ahead of you – we had an artist draw one so you’d know.

Splitting Hairs = Super Power!
Marvin, Wendy and Wonder Dog explain that a dire warning came from a huge talking seagull. Aquaman and Batman inform Wendy and Marvin that no, you idiots, seagull can’t be that big, it must have been a talking albatross. Thank God we got to the bottom of which bird was TALKING.

Word of the Day
“Palagian is a word that means ‘inhabitant of the open sea’” – Wonder Woman (NOT Aquaman)

Aquaman, No, Really, You’re Still Special
Dr. Palagian, who is the best Marine Biologist who ever Marine Biologied, has learned to communicate with sea creatures telepathically. Yup, he just kinda learned it. No, this is not a super power. He figured it out. Seriously. He’s so good at it, he can overrule Aquaman’s “super power” ability to communicate with sea creatures telepathically. Personally, I think everyone took Aquaman’s word for it that he could do this and all of a sudden someone comes along who can actually do it and he’s all “ohhhh, noooo, Dr. Palagian is jamming my communications!”

I command you - swim around! Make funny looking poop! See, told you.

Shut Up, Batman
“Here comes the twin to the other baby.” – Batman, referring to the second tidal wave.

You Don’t Say.

“Once more, the Super Friends demonstrate that brain power can be more effective than brute force, and in so doing, have not only stopped massive tidal waves, but, have created the largest ice cube, ever.”

UPDATE: Albatross Expert, Yes. Telling the Difference Between Killer Whales and Sharks, No.

So, Aquaman and Superman are in the ocean trying to save Wendy and Marvin, and Superman makes this observation: “Those killer whales definitely don’t look peaceful.”

Yeah, and they don’t look like killer whales, either. And no, Aquaman doesn’t correct him. Idiots.

If you would like to witness these shenanigans in all their glory, the first season of Super Friends is available on DVD. This is an affiliate link.