I Bet You One Dollar We’ll Still be Married in Ten Years

My husband and I celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary last month. We’ve been together for 16 years total. Here’s a list of observations and advice after a decade of marriage:

1. If you don’t like dressing up, church, or being the center of attention, put up with your mom declaring she won’t plan your wedding for you, don’t plan your wedding for a few months, and then maybe you’ll get a big fat check from your parents to just go to the courthouse and get it over with. Worked for us.

2. Barring any accidents, if you spend years having the following conversation:

Husband: Do you want kids?
Wife: Dunno. You?
Husband: Dunno.

You will not end up with any kids.

3. If one of you is a vegetarian, and the other isn’t, don’t worry, there are plenty of unhealthy options for meals so that you can both grow fat together.

4. If you are too much alike, I highly recommend establishing very early in your relationship a designated person between the two of you to ask for help in home improvement stores. Otherwise, you will waste hours and hours of your life. As a compromise, the other one can be the designated take-out food phone caller.

5. Just keep in mind, every time you publicly declare on Facebook or Twitter that you are married to the best spouse ever in the history of man it is almost guaranteed that: 1. Ten other people have done the same within the hour and 2. You are probably also the type to declare your dissatisfaction with the idiot you married within 48 hours (we don’t do either of these things, but it is an observation from the last ten years).

6. After ten years, you will both laugh at how you used to be embarrassed to fart in front of each other and wish that the other person still was.

7. Consider your adult acne a sign that your love is as youthful as it was when you were teenagers.

8. Life is all about compromise. I’m not an outdoorsy person and he is, so I let him do all the yard work.

9. Make wagers. Don’t argue unnecessarily, make bets. If it’s something that’s factual and can be resolved later (how tall is Uncle Stanley, do we have milk at home, did Meryl Streep star in 227) bet a buck and move on. Save the time you would spend arguing over minutiae and spend it discussing things you both hate, together.

10. If you pretend to shiv each other with your car keys as a sign of affection, then you should be good for the next ten years.

26 thoughts on “I Bet You One Dollar We’ll Still be Married in Ten Years

  1. Happy belated anniversary, and may you stay married as long as you….er…shiv!

    Now I’m wondering if my Mom would write me a check for the wedding I did NOT have…she saved a bundle, you know?

  2. Your marriage sounds eerily familiar. Though he tends to fake beat me and I tend to fake poison him.
    “This tastes funny.”
    (Super innocent face) Hmmm?
    “Did you do something to this?”
    “What’s that?”
    “Why does this tastes funny?”
    (pretending to hide something behind my back) “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean…”

  3. We never met, but Tom used to be my boss. That’s my crappy introduction. I just wanted to say that this is pretty much perfect. My husband and I have been married for 16 years, together for 18, and with the exception of actually saying “yes” to The Baby Question almost two years ago, you’ve described us here.

  4. yep…all of it

    we celebrated 3 years of marriage yesterday. It’s my second marriage. we’re a blended family of one dude, 4 chicks, one boy golden retriever and two female kittens.

    my list is different…remind me to make one soon

    Happy sweet 16 to you two love birds

  5. 1, 2, 10 – Yep.
    and she is my absolute best friend.

    Although we do other things besides shiv. I mean she does. to me. even though I’m innocent.
    Really – it wasn’t my fault.

    muahaha

  6. Ok, it’s too late for #2, but the kids are awesome 😉 #8 really works fine. And I can hardly wait to see how #9 is working – I bet I’ll be rich at the end of the year!

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