A Trip to the State Fair, Part Two: The World’s Blankiest Blank

At our state fair, you can find more blankiest blanks than you could ever dream. The World’s Biggest Horse, The World’s Smallest Horse, The World’s Smallest Woman, etc. They used to have a Giant Rat years ago, and when you wandered any where near this exhibit you could hear, over and over, loud enough to soar over all the other noise – “GIANT RAT! GIANT RAT!” The rat must have died because I didn’t see him this year (and by “see him” I mean see the structure that houses him, I would never pay to see a giant rat).

Two things I noticed at these exhibits – first of all, the descriptor “educational” for the World’s Smallest Woman:

“So you see boys and girls, if you are born below average size, you too can travel the country being displayed as a novelty for profit!” I’m assuming that is the educational aspect of it as I don’t think any kind of lengthy lecture on genetics is in the cards (they look so huge when she holds them!).

Second, the reassurance that all of these things are alive.

Yeah, of course they’re alive. If they weren’t they would have been deep fried and sold as a snack.

But, I have to say, as far as side shows go – I got to see one for free! You see, I went to the bathroom. Wait, tangent:

All the bathrooms had attendants – why? Because State Fair attendees are the filthiest people on earth and cannot be trusted not to turn every inch of surface into a toilet, that’s why. These attendants all had tip jars everywhere in these bathrooms. Some even had signs on the mirrors – “Imagine how bad this bathroom would be without an attendant.” While I appreciated that there were attendants, I wasn’t planning on tipping any. One was sitting on a stool (a sitting stool, not, you know…), eating a bowl of soup, saying “welcome” with her mouth full, for example. No, I do not tip for having to watch someone eat food in a public restroom.

However, I entered one bathroom, found an empty stall, and as I was closing the door a desperate cry rang out: “DON’T LET HER GO IN THERE, SHE’S GONNA GET PEE ON HER!” That fucking hero got a damn tip.

End tangent.

At a different bathroom, as I exited, this caught my eye:

Either this lady was taking a nap, or she was being punished by the Blair Witch. I don’t think she was a bathroom attendant, I’m pretty sure she was a fair visitor. I can only assume that eventually, someone built an exhibit around her and now she’s a fair side-show.

26 thoughts on “A Trip to the State Fair, Part Two: The World’s Blankiest Blank

  1. Oh man, that IS educational.

    “You see kids. You see what happens to you when you have to drink a fifth of vodka before coming to the fair just so you can deal with your hellion kids? You pass out and your kids steal your purse, ditch you in a bathroom stall and use all your money to buy fried food and go on rides. Use protection, kids.”

    I admit it might be more of a scared straight kinda education, but still.

  2. Mission Accomplished! I scrolled back up about 11 times to study that picture as it quite simply fascinated me. I’m a sucker, what can I say? But seriously… DAZZLED *scrolling up again*…. At first I was curious how the chair didn’t roll off with her head against the wall, but I now see that one wheel is missing *scrolling up again*, which would generally indicate that she’s likely to begin rolling in circles, at the very least. *scrolling up yet again* I need to walk away. Actually no…. I must take a road trip to this fair. I LOVE carnivals! And carnies… those crazy rubes with their small hands that smell of cabbage….

  3. I seriously can’t even…

    The Blair Witch comment made me laugh out loud. I was at the theater at the time. I’m supposed to be quiet there. I had to fake a coughing fit.

    Who sleeps in a fair bathroom? Those things reek of urine and poor life choices.

  4. I would pay hundreds of dollars to see the napping bathroomer, just because it’s so much more novel than a tiny woman.

  5. I am with Melonie. That was GROSS. All I can think of is all those germs floating around the bathroom into the soup. Wait, was it chicken? That is suppose to fight off shit. 😉

  6. WOW! World’s tiniest (alive) woman, restroom soup, AND a bathroom napper?! I’d have to say that you must be the luckiest woman alive right now! I’m not sure if I could handle all of that extreme awesomeness in the same day without having a nervous breakdown.

    It really kind of scares me that they had to mark everything as “ALIVE!”, and also makes me wonder if somewhere around there is a bunch of exhibits that are marked “UN-ALIVE!”. Maybe back behind the carnies trailers? “Come one, come all! See the creepy dead things in jars…”

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